I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
