Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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