So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
