When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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