true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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