Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
