I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
