are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
