When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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