he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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