The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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