So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
