i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
