he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
