Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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