she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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