Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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