I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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