i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
