Need sex. Gaining weight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
