I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
