OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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