dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
