I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
