in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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