I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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