yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
