You're my little dorito
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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