Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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