after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
