Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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