Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
