He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had sex on a dog bed..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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