I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
