dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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