I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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