I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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