Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
