I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
