Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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