I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
