I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize