I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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