he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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