You can't special order awesome
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
