i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
