we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
