my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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