Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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