did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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