I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she peed on how many people?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
