I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
