YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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