I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
