You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
