I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Panties = found
Randomize
