...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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