he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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