So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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